hello, is there anybody in there?

This week I have won two things. I say 'I' but both of them were part of team efforts and if I am honest, I don't think my presence was needed for one of them definitely and probably both. I can safely say that neither will change me as a person. Especially as neither had any financial reward - or any kind of reward - you could mention. And neither was the result of having done anything particularly well.

The first triumph of the week came at a battle of the bands we played at the Walkabout bar in town, the triumph being that we won. It was an odd venue for bands as both times we played there (there was one round before the final) there was football on before it turned into what I only describe as a cheap but amusing hellhole that attracted rabble and scum. This particular night, Liverpool were playing Birmingham and beating them hard. Steve Bruce had his metaphorical pants pulled down (metaphorically) by Liverpool. It was hard to feel sorry for him though, its his own fault for buying a combination of fading stars (who were not the best parts of the good teams they were from), crap players and persisting in playing his son who is just not very good. In many ways (mainly metaphorical), he pulled his own pants down or just couldn't keep them up. I will try and work this analogy into common language, it reminds me of when Mick McCarthy being interviewed about a game and he kept on saying that his team had been 'spanked' but unlike me did not clarify that it was metaphorical and from thence the humour arose. More managers should talk like Mick McCarthy.

Anyway, like Liverpool we won (no metaphorical or real pants around ankles), our prize was a sheet of paper telling us that we'd booked a place into the next round in sunny Doncaster, hometown of Jeremy Clarkson and another Walkabout bar and probably more rabble. I am sure it will be just as exciting as Plinth's Leeds adventure. We didn't play particularly well but apparently not playing well and winning is a sign of champions. Hmm.

Cruising on the battle of the bands triumph I returned to work the next day to find that my department had been nominated for the Council's annual awards. I will be honest and say that I was somewhat surprised and it would be fair to say that if the department was the England squad, I would be Owen Hargreaves, bench-warmer extraordinaire. Thats not to diss Owen Hargreaves. I think he is good, and I wouldn't want anyone else warming the bench but he's not 1st team material and if he was then that would mean settling for an inferior bench warmer. My supervisor was most displeased at having to attend the ceremony which made the victory sweeter and certainly funnier.

I won't say the victories were undeserved but perhaps the level of competition was not what it could have been. What a week.

Obesity
Researchers at the University of Nottingham are looking at the possibilities of using cannabis to treat fat people. Not treat them like you would try and treat a child with sweets, but make them thin.

It seems odd - ironic even - that a drug reknowned for its capacity to give people the munchies and make physical activity extremely unappealing would contribute to making fat people thin. Apparently theres something else in it that can treat addiction but it is funnier to imagine lots of fat people sat there with a spliff and wondering why they aren't getting any thinner.

If I was a complete cynic, I would say that this research has been done on the following premises:
- the researchers are in fact post-modern comedians and are filming a hilarious reality based television programme on this ironic premise
- the researchers just want an excuse to test things on fat people
- obviously there will need to be a 'control' as part of research, for comparison. so they will also get to make fat people run (with hilarious consequences)
- the researchers have seen that bit with Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club when he was 'stoned' and used it as supporting evidence

I think I want to be on this research team.

Jobs
The internet filter at work has swallowed up job websites. It would seem there is no escape, unless I dip into my free time. Now with jobs gone they are virtually forcing me to play Championship Manager.

The other day I took my car to get its wheels re-aligned and balanced. I wasn't planning to (I was hoping it would fix itself), but I had given several people lifts recently and they had all commented on the shaking and some had suggested getting my car serviced. One of my housemates questioned my approach to car maintainance, which I have to honest, was sub-standard at best although I did very recently buy a 5ltr bottle of screen wash (not shaking related). Also, my car could no longer drive in a straight line, which is less of a hinderance than you might think but yes quite dangerous now I think about it.

Despite all of that, I think the incident that prompted me to get my car fixed was what happened when coming back from Leeds.

I had noted on the motorway that my car was veering off to the right. Ok, I thought, maybe it will fix itself by the time we get back to Nottingham. In hindsight, I can see that this was perhaps unrealistically optimistic of me.

I dropped the members of Plinth off at their houses. Nick first. So far, so good. Then Rachel. Her road is one of the many in Lenton that are lined with cars on both sides, meaning that there is only room for one car to pass through at a time, driving in the middle of the road.

There was nowhere for me to pull over near her house, so I just stopped in the middle of the road. As I did this, I noticed a BMW turn into the road coming towards me. Rather than act like a sensible person and wait at the bottom of road for 30 seconds while the dropping off was taking place, this BMW decided that the quickest way of going along the road was to drive right up to me and start beeping the horn angrily. And then turn on their full beam headlights.

I thought about beeping back but then I thought better of it because I am nice and also because in the eyes of the passer-by this would make me look as bad as the BMW driver. I tried inching towards the BMW in an attempt to hint that they should reverse (with subtle overtones of 'you should have waited where you were for 30 seconds' this was difficult to communicate and I don't think they got that particular message). This just resulted in more beeping and I also became very aware that the BMW was full of 4 very angry looking men who could quite easily just get out and (I assume) use violence if they wanted. I couldn't be arsed with that. I had just spent 3 hours trapped in a car with Nick.

Anyway, all this beeping and angry faces left me with only one realistic option. It looked like I was going to have to reverse. So I stuck on my full beam headlights (two can play at that game, you BMW driving dickheads) and put on reverse gear and started reversing. The BMW rather intimidatingly inched forward every inch I reversed.

It wasn't as simple as that. My veering car meant that reversing in a straight line proved really fucking hard. It eventually got to the point where I was about to hit a parked car. The BMW was still inching forward. But I had to straighten up by going forward myself. The BMW beeped angrily, but after a few beeps it was clear that the two of us were not going anywhere unless the BMW backed off and let me straighten up. So it reversed. I cheekily attempted to reverse the roles and inch towards the BMW but this resulted in more beeping and angriness. They reversed a few feet but that was all I was going to get.

Still, I was pleased with this. I had turned the tables somewhat and hopefully this little stoppage showed the BMW driver the futility and ridiculousness of him attempting to go down the road rather than wait for me. I doubt that, as it would seem that he had started something he had to finish and kept right back at me. Tosser. Well, the joke was on him in any case. He thought his beeping technique and penis-extension car could get his way on the road, but my shit yellow car that couldn't go in a straight line showed him. Striker! Although more Peter Crouch than Thierry Henry.

I had to do the straigtening out by forcing the BMW back a few feet 4 times in total. If he had waited at the bottom of the road for 30 seconds he could have got to his drugshouse far quicker (I assume that is where he was going, he didn't look as if he had a proper job to buy the BMW with) and I would not see a BMW and think "that driver is a cunt". The whole manouver of me reversing must have taken a good few minutes and certainly tested my patience and had me wishing my car would go in a straight line. However had my wheels been straight, I would not have got my small revenge in forcing the BMW back a few times (without beeping) and I also probably wouldn't have got my wheels re-aligned so perhaps some good has come out of this.

After all the reversing was done, I drove down the road, dropped off Edd and then went home.

At the garage the fella who I assumed was the manager looked like a stereotypical British gangster. Greasy hair, big coat, wrists loaded with jewellry. I didn't see a medallion but I am sure he has several. While they fixed my car I read a playstation magazine that was there. I don't own a playstation. The magazine wasn't very interesting.

Plinth went to Leeds to play a gig for this rock idols thing. I have to say I was not particularly enthustiastic about it and left long before the end but it was alright. I have finally got through to looking at the pictures off my camera.

I was driving. Unfortunately this meant I had to leave the camera in the hands of other band members. This was most unproductive and uncreative as this picture shows.

Loser.

Plinth in the bar. It was alright. I think this was pre-performance.

I tried to recreate an emo picture in absence of good photo taking moments but it wasn't happening. No magic this time.

Recently there has been a flurry of activity around YAIH, the band I am in. Mainly from the recording we have been doing. But we have also decided to get band t-shirts. We're all going to have shirts that have a lyric or often used phrase on it all with the same colour scheme and font etc. I got mine today and felt duty bound to model it.

It suddenly struck me how emo this t-shirt made me look. It is black and snug fitting and my current hair length complements this style. I took the photos with this look in mind.

Here are the pictures I took:

This one was ok. But I felt it was a bit too normal and that I could coax out something better. I had only just started so in any case the best was yet to come.

I went for the happy approach but this didn't seem to convey the right feeling. In any case, my eyes are most certainly not sharing the emotion of my mouth.

There is a lot of angst in emo music so I also tried the angry approach. I couldn't help but feel that this approach might create an awkward first impression.

Back to square one. Although you can actually see the shirt reasonably properly now. However, I had other tricks up my sleeve (not literally, the sleeves are too short to hold decent tricks)....

Aha! I had my hair parted on the wrong side! Once I flicked my hair over to the opposite side the magic started happening...

Look at that magic.

And again. Jackanackanory.

So yeah, if any of my band are reading this, thats what the t-shirts look like.